annafdd

My computer arrived in Amsterdam on Jan 20 and has been "Out for delivery" ever since. It is now the 24th. What's it doing there, smoking pot and getting laid?

Watered orchids and bonsai.

The guys who managed to deliver my debit card, painlessly and actually giving me helpful information on the phone, are the SMS.

1.21 pm.

No card yet.

Ok, so last night after my last call at about six, I begged the FedEx people to keep my envelope at the depot for me to come and pick up. This was after the surprising news that they had passed again and found that the address was incorrect. INCORRECT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, INCORRECT? There's only one street of that name in London. There's only one block of flat with that name on the street. And they have my postcode, for cryin' out loud!

Also, despite the fact that FedEx has this spiffy tracking site which supposedly can tell you were your shipment is in real time, presumably so that nervous executives can know that that all important letter has indeed reached New York from Johannesburg before 8 am, for the whole of yesterday it kept telling me that the delivery was expected at 2 pm - so that I had to stay inside and fume and fret - and only today innocently informed me that the failed delivery had occurred at 11.30 am.

The irony of it all is that there is a nice little red bus that goes from practically opposite my friend's door to the depot (in full majestic view of the Battersea Power Station, which is some spectacle). Total time to get there, probably half an hour including waiting for the bus and walking to the depot.

So this morning I wake up, ready to spring for the depot as soon as they open up at nine, when I get a phone call from Visa.

A nice Dutch operator tells me that FedEx has tried to deliver my envelope four times already and what should they do with it?

After a suitably long howl, I explained the situation to her and asked her if she could lean on FedEx to be sure they'd keel the parcel in.

And this is how, only ten days after the theft of my wallet, I got my emergency replacement credit card.

So I went and bought me another corporate outfit, which I may need, and then I went around aimlessly window-shopping and now I'm here in fjm's house, trying to keep one severely affection-deprived (according to him - I happen to know he's been petted non-stop until this morning) kitty from dying of loneliness, and to keep the other kitty from feeling left out and neglected, which is hard because she makes a kind of "who do you think you are" mock swipe at my hand when I try to pet her. (That's normal cat behaviour: MAAAAAOOWWWWW = help help I'm dying of lack of attention as the key turns in the lock, on the other hand, isn't.)

Lupin is a lot like my cat when I first got her. Down to the "love me love me or I'll die" insecurity complex. He looks like her, too, and has the same voice. Only he looks more aristocratic.

The package that was sure as hell going to be here by five isn't.

I called FedEx and they swore on everything they hold sacred that the package is going to be delivered today, probably before 5.30.

I expressed my utter confidence that it was, of course, going to be so, but that just in the vanishingly small chance that it wasn't, what about keeping it at the depot tomorrow so that I could pick it up myself?

They gave me the depot address, and so I guess I'll go try to pick it up tomorrow. Where, I suspect, I will find out it's gone out to the courier again.

Since FedEx had told me to call them back if my card wasn't here by 1 pm, I did so. The woman told me that the "promised delivery time" was 5 fucking pm. I screamed a little and she said that all she could do was apologise.

She did however give me the name of the courier that is actually handling the delivery. I'm not naming them here because you never know, but I mention that their website says:

"My laptop has broken. I desperately need a replacement before I leave the office. Can you do that"

"Yes"

"Will you pick up within 20 to 30 minutes and are all your drivers security cleared?"

"Yes."

"I need to deliver a parcel to Birmingham tomorrow. It had to arrive before noon. Can you do that?"

"Yes"

Do I need to add more?
Lesson for the future: next time, deliver to some address that's easy to find, even for a courier. Post office, bank, FedEx front office.